Screenwriter Jonathan Kesselman is the creator of Mordechai Jefferson Carver, better known as the Hebrew Hammer.

The Making of The Hebrew Hammer - Part 2 of 2

By Donald V. Calamia

It's not every screenwriter who gets the opportunity to see his work adapted for the stage, but Jonathan Kesselman, the creator of The Hebrew Hammer, is coming to Detroit this week to do just that at Planet Ant Theatre - plus host a night of fun and comedy at the Park Bar. Kesselman talked recently to EncoreMichigan.com about his reaction to artistic director Shannon Ferrante's unexpected request, and his future plans for the certified circumcised dick who's a sex machine to all the Jewish chicks.

So how surprised WERE you to be tracked down by Shannon Ferrante and asked if she could get the rights to adapt The Hebrew Hammer to the stage?

I was incredibly surprised, thrilled and honored.

Does that happen very often in a non-stalker-ish kind of way? (laughs)

Usually, I'm only stalked by incredibly gorgeous women who insist that I have sex with them. It's been a real problem for me.

What was your initial reaction to her request?

Me: "Did you say...Detroit? Are their even Jews there?"

And what convinced you that she was on the up-and-up and that her idea had some merit to it?

Someone turned me on to something called the Internet. I clicked on this "link" thing, and suddenly, there were all these pictures, and plays, and people...it was like magic! If you haven't tried out this Internet thing, get on it NOW! I don't want to come off as all Mayan/2012, but I think there's some serious money to be made off this thing!

I understand you don't own the rights to The Hebrew Hammer. Who does – and how difficult was it to convince the owners to go along with the project?

A company called ContentFilm financed the original film and owns the rights to it, as well as a minority share of my liver, one of my testicles, and apparently all of my soul.

It was an uphill battle; then someone mentioned to them that they'd make a little money from it, and that was that.

For my end in brokering the deal, I had to give up the other testicle. As you can imagine, I go to great lengths to support the arts.

Once the rights were secured, did you have any contact with Frannie Shepherd-Bates during the scripting process? Did you much input into the script?

No. I direct and write for film and television, and I'm a firm believer in letting passionate people who are good at what they do, do their thing.

How did you come up with the idea for The Hebrew Hammer? Where did the concept come from?

My mother damaged me as a child. Severely.

Did you ever have any idea that it might also make an interesting stage play?

Actually, I had been discussing doing it as a musical with a great New York-based playwright for years, a friend named David Bar Katz. (He did John Leguizamo's Freak on Broadway). There was even a Broadway producer interested in helping, but no movement ever really seemed to happen, and it was frustrating for me as I truly wanted to see the Hammer on stage.

We also had some incredibly good, funny songs written for us by a great band called The LeeVees (Adam Gardener of Guster and Dave Schneider of The Zambonis), but after three years of talks that ended up in us drinking whiskey and comparing and contrasting our physical and metal ailments, I was glad to have Shannon, Hal, Frannie and the folks at Planet Ant come into my life, and make it happen.

Sometimes it takes some Gentile Elbow Grease. Is Frannie Jewish?

Yes she is - so now you know there's at least ONE Jew here! (laughs) You're heading to Detroit – or Hamtramck, actually – to attend the Dec. 18 performance of The Hebrew Hammer. What prompted you to make the visit?

The Hammer is my baby, and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to see something I wrote and made interpreted and acted out by people I've never met.

I can't even describe what it will feel like for me to see what the cast and crew of Planet Ant have done with my work. It means the world to me that something I love and invested my heart and soul into could inspire other creative people in another place to mount a production of it - making anything creative in any form takes a tremendous amount of passion, work, and energy.

The fact that a group of artists I've never met in a city I've never been to chose my work to adapt for the stage...it's one of the greatest honors a writer can experience.

I'm pretty certain I'll have a smile plastered on my face the entire night.

How long are you planning to stay in town? Do have any sort of agenda while you're here?

My brother Josh, who was a producer on the film, is coming with me. He's obsessed with strip clubs. I'd rather use that Internet thing, 'cause it's free, and usually leads somewhere.

There's also going to be a party at Park Bar on Thursday, Dec. 17. Come on out, it'll be fun!

I've also done some preliminary research on Detroit (I watched movies) in preparation of my trip. This is what I've learned so far:

1. Detroit used to have something to do with cars, and for awhile the Japanese and the Americans came together and made their quota, but eventually the city got as screwed as the guy who invented windshield wipers.
2. People are constantly having rap battles. And although I'm Jewish, and most of the rap battlers are black, if I'm skillful enough in my rapping, I'll eventually win the support of the entire community and someday move out of the trailer park, and get myself clear of the toxic relationship I have with my REALLY hot mother, who I also think once starred in Batman.
3. Lastly, I'm glad I'm not coming the week of Oct. 31. Apparently, the city burns down every Halloween, and then magically rights itself the next day.

Are there any plans to revisit any of these characters again?

I have written a sequel that all the original actors would love to come back on board and do. People out here in Hollywood (AKA Bulls***T World) seem to really like it, but I'm now convinced the script, which I feel is one of the best things I've ever written, needs to single-handedly cure cancer before it gets financed; OR, be based on a board game or toy...

The sequel is called The Hebrew Hammer VS. Hitler, and it's a time-travel movie involving a Time Sukkah, Mel Gibson's head being blow off by The Hammer, Jesus coming back to Modern Times - effectively making the entire world Jewish, and Hitler being sodomized. It's a film for the entire family!

MEET JONATHAN KESSELMAN:

Join Planet Ant as Jonathan and his co-host, the producer of the film, Josh Kesselman, host an evening of fun, drinking and gentile ass kicking, Thursday, Dec. 17 at 8 p.m. at The Park Bar, located at 2040 Park Avenue in Detroit. The event will take place on the second floor. Handicapped access is not available.

Entry is $5. The evening includes a screening of The Hebrew Hammer, complete with kosher drinking games.

After you have your fun with Jonathan and Josh (and we don't mean in the biblical sense...sicko), join Planet Ant Theatre for the baddest holiday show this side of Tel Aviv!

ABOUT JONATHAN KESSELMAN:

Jonathan Baruch Kesselman (yes, he is Jewish), the godfather of the Jewxploitation film, was born and raised in the mean streets of the San Fernando Valley. He received his bachelor's degree from the University of Colorado, graduating Magna Cum Laude in psychology with an emphasis in neuroscience. After college, Jon spent two years in the corporate world as an information systems consultant before being accepted into graduate school at the University Of Southern California School of Cinema/Television, where he received his masters degree in film production in December 2001. While at USC, Jon's second semester short film, The Hebrew Hammer, went on to semi-final at the 2000 Austin Film festival, and was chosen by the USC Film archivists in a collection of their 10 favorite student shorts from the 1950s to the present. While at USC, Jon also wrote, directed, edited and produced a web serial for Doug Liman's Internet film site, Nibblebox.com.

From the strength of the script and his short, Jon's first feature film, The Hebrew Hammer, was greenlit by Ed Pressman and John Schmidt's ContentFilm while Jon was still a student at USC. The film had its world premiere at the 2003 Sundance Film Festival, and played a number of international festivals before being picked up for theatrical distribution (Hanukkah 2003) by Strand Releasing in conjunction with Comedy Central and Paramount Home Video. For more information about Jonathan Kesselman, log on to www.theworldwidemediaconspiracy.com/conspirators.html.

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